Meeting Recap: April 10, 2014 (Roasting Gouri)

posted May 11, 2014, 1:16 AM by Advanced Public Speakers Toastmasters Club   [ updated Oct 15, 2014, 11:32 AM ]
Dear APS Members,

When APS President Gouri Seetharam betrayed her club by accepting a job with the State Department, requiring her to abandon New York in order to travel the world, the club decided to take its revenge by turning Gouri’s last club meeting into a roast, presided over by Roastmaster of the Day, Laurent Nicourt.

VP Membership Rafay Khalid began the roast by revealing that Gouri’s new assignment with the State Department is just a cover—her real purpose is to get U.S. taxpayers (that means you and me) to pay for Gouri’s insatiable appetite for world travel.

Derek Chen exposed Gouri’s altruistic side, saying that when Gouri joined Jade to help revitalize that club, she told Derek, “I’ll do the work, you take the credit.”  But VPE Todd McKinney thought Derek must have misunderstood, and that Gouri really must have said, “You do all the work, and I’ll take the credit.”

Todd then pointed out that although her listeners thought Gouri’s “Flawless” speech was a masterpiece of self-denigrating humor, in fact, the speech was entirely without humor and pedantically serious-- Gouri literally does believe she is without flaw.

Secretary Marcia Berry berated Gouri for her flawless ability to make everything look so easy, tricking lesser mortals into thinking they can do whatever Gouri can.  Just one hint—if you see Gouri do something, don’t try it at home.

But Gouri may not remain flawless for long.  SAA Harry Anezeris predicted Gouri’s Toastmasters skills are due for a decline, since with diplomatic immunity, she can no longer be held accountable for her filler words. 

Brian Robinson asked, “Does Gouri have a life outside Toastmasters?” and concluded, probably not, since she spends all day trying to get into Toastmasters magazine and all night e-mailing others about Toastmasters business.

Justin Thomas (who has now joined APS) wondered whether Gouri has a Toastmasters chip in her brain that instantly alerts her to incoming communications from other Toastmasters so she can respond before they stop typing.

Laurent Nicourt coined a new phrase to describe the way Gouri stalks Toastmasters magazine:  “to Gouri Seetharam.”  For example, if someone is pestering you, you would say, “Stop Gouri Seetharaming me!”

Jacqui McIntyre proved Laurent’s point by confirming that Gouri had “Gouri Seetharamed” her and her friends to try to make them quit their jobs in order to travel the world.

Gouri’s friend and APS guest Isilay Cabuk complained that wherever you go with Gouri, she leaves you all by yourself so that she can either attend a Toastmasters meeting or find a banana.  She then presented Gouri with a banana as a going-away gift.

Treasurer Georgia Jones noted one doesn’t often get to meet a real Indian goddess, and that Gouri’s name actually means “goddess.” Unfortunately, Gouri has been kicked out of Nirvana and sent to Earth for remedial training to correct her 2 left feet.

Gouri then responded by flipping the meeting into a reverse roast and skewering her audience.  She admitted she bossed Derek around a lot at Jade, but insisted she is equally mean to everyone.  She also admitted that her dancing is so bad that after she enrolled in a Tango class in Argentina, her instructor kicked her out for bad dancing.

Gouri, APS will sorely miss you, and that’s no joke!  We wish you a world filled with bananas.

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Marcia Berry
Secretary, Advanced Public Speakers